I know it’s coming up to Christmas and you’re super busy, but I swear on the all the tinsel in Tescos, I’m losing the will to live with your shoddy offerings.
First up, can we talk about the tea. I know that the cool kids are drinking a double frappa cinnamon snowflake with a candy cane twist, but I just need a really good cup of tea. And by that I mean a hot beverage that tastes of tea and isn’t just lukewarm brown water with some milk slopped in it.
We’ve managed to put an Englishman in a B&B orbiting the earth. Is it beyond the wit of man to serve an Englishwoman a decent cup of our national beverage. In England? In a teapot that doesn’t spill the contents all over the table?
And speaking of cinnamon. Can I let you into a wee secret? I detest the stuff. Except for a cautious smidgen in an apple pie or Christmas pudding, of course. But 3 teaspoons sprinkled onto a cinnamon flavoured ham sandwich. Not so much.
So I’ll just take some toast. Of course you don’t have gluten free, but I’ll take the hit because I’ve been
wrestling bears avoiding little old ladies in John Lewis and I am, quite frankly, ready to gnaw the branches off of the upside down trees. Ah….cafe toast. Or, more appropriately, cafe toast and the lack of butter.
One little pat of butter does not cover one slice of bread. It’s a mathematical certainty up there with e=mc2. Or if the butter does cover the toast, we have another conversation to have, Mr Scrooge. Please don’t make me get up again, fight my way back through the
bears little old ladies to the counter to be told that you charge extra for extra butter. What happened to the season of goodwill?
What….you’re out of toast? At 10am? Oh, you’ve been busy? Christmas took you by surprise this year did it? In that case, do you have anything else that isn’t covered in cinnamon and/or isn’t stale?
Didn’t think so.